Permission to Share
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Hello friends, Years ago, writer Starhawk penned a novel in which city neighborhoods had fruit trees growing on the sidewalks, so anyone who was hungry could partake. It was a beautiful vision of a world we could live in, if we chose to. I now live in a city neighborhood with fruit trees growing on the sidewalk. Pear. Apple. Plum. Fig. Cherry. But, more often than not, the fruit falls and rots on the concrete in the sun. This happens unless the person who lives in the home near the tree gathers the fruit and puts a sign on it, inviting people to take and eat. Why is this? I sometimes wonder. There are unfortunately plenty of unhoused neighbors here, along with people I know must have food insecurity sometimes, especially as grocery prices have risen precipitously as a result of farm workers being kidnapped, caged, or deported. Then I realized a few things: One, people may not know the fruit is safe to eat. Okay. But mostly, I think people are afraid of taking something they think is not theirs. Despite the fruit growing freely, unfenced, in the open, it must belong to someone, right? Despite outright theft at larger levels, on the small, it is ingrained in us to not steal. To not take without permission. Sometimes, that is a good thing, but other times? We are left with ripe fruit rotting away. We must give each other permission to share, on both sides of the equation. If there is bounty on offer, we must say, “Please, come and eat!” And if we have something to offer, sometimes we feel to shy to share on our own, until someone else says, “Hey! I’d love to see what you’ve been working on. Will you show me?” Which side of the equation are you on right now? Do you have something to offer that you feel too timid to share? Or do you see something you’d like to partake in, but have felt too scared to ask? This week, I hope we give ourselves more permission and soften some unnecessary boundaries. We just might all be the richer for it. Best wishes — Thorn
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T. Thorn Coyle
Hello friends, This has felt like a hard week, globally. Even as I watch events unfold from our comfortable home, I feel the psychic and emotional pressure. People are in danger, including in my home communities. Despite my relative privilege, I’m in danger, too. I wanted to name this pressure, in case you also feel it. But, here’s the thing, unless we need to actively get loved ones to safety right now, we need to choose to feel these emotions, and then regulate ourselves as best we can....
Hello friends, There’s a question we likely hear all the time: “How are you?” Or “How you doing?” Or “You good?” Sometimes the question has meaning, but other times is just a series of polite noises, asked in public by someone we barely know. The intention behind the question depends on the tone in which it is spoken. Sometimes the question needs the conjugation of the verb “to be.” Other times, the verb gets dropped altogether, in a more casual rush. And here we are, back to tone, because...
Hello friends, The world is often filled with noise. What helps you listen? It took me many years to learn to listen deeply, instead of trying to anticipate. Trying to anticipate was my child-self’s way of keeping safe. Not that it always helped. Not when violent outbursts were random. But I tried anyway, baking that pattern into my body and mind. Eventually, I realized I wasn’t giving others a chance to really express themselves. I didn’t give myself a chance to express myself on a deeper...